Been sick

so I got the cold of doom
stupid switch over from winter to spring got me faded
but i got a new dope ass comp.
and when I feel better I'll hit you up with more ridiculous bullshit
until then

fuck punctuation


peas

LASERS

PRETTY FRIKKIN AWESOME!

The official music video for Mac Lethal's "Undertow" off Love Potion #5.

The official music video for Mac Lethal's "Undertow" off Love Potion #5.
Download "Undertow" now at iTunes.
Love Potion #5 available 5/5/09 at www.Lethalville.net .

Directed by: Kyle Harbaugh
Produced by: Jeremy Willis, Mac Lethal
Cinematography by: Hanuman Brown-Eagle
Graphic Intro by: Ross Montgomery

MAC LETHAL ON TOUR NOW!
4/22 - What's Up Lounge - Mankato, MN
4/23 - Nutty's North - Sioux Falls, SD
4/24 - Eagle's Club - Aberdeen, SD
4/25 - The Aquarium - Fargo, ND (2 shows)
4/26 - Stone's Throw - Eau Clarie, WI
4/27 - Stonefly Brewery - Milwaukee, WI
4/28 - The Pike Room @ Crowfoot - Pontiac, MI
4/29 - Broadway Joe's - Buffalo, NY
4/30 - The Grant (Strange Famous) - Pawtucket, RI
5/1 - Expo - Washington DC
5/2 - Bamboozle Fest - East Rutherford, NJ
5/3 - Mojo's - Richmond, VA
5/4 - The Jewish Mother - Virginia Beach, VA
5/5 - Local 506 - Chapel Hill, NC
5/7 - Rhino's - Bloomington, IN
5/8 - The Firebird - St. Louis, MO
5/9 - Mojo's - Columbia, MO

motherfuckface needs to hit up Columbus again though

wordamovasonson's daughters

p.s. fuck punctuation

Insomnia/Stream of consciousness

So
Recently I haven't been able to sleep
maybe it's because I've been working on myself to a certain extent
for those of you who don't know I am in a 12 step program and for better or worse if you are working a program of recovery things are going to change in your life hopefully you can become the person the god of your understanding wants you to become and get rid of the baggage and bullshit personality traits that allowed you to kill yourself slowly OR quickly with drugs
now that I've lost almost all of my desire to use most of the time and have identified more than a few things that bug the shit out of me about myself and have been trying to not act on them now that I know what they are
ya know
even when growing as a person
I find myself falling back into the old cycles
occasionally of
going to bed when the birds chirp
waking up early afternoon not rested
feeling out of sorts
all day
taking a nap
then repeat the cycle
in between
I take care of my mom
who isn't getting to enjoy her retirement
because she is house bound
so if I know you
come visit here she'd love to chat your ear off
I finally have a women I am interested in
but for once am having second thoughts about pursuing her as a potential girlfriend/thing/some shit
that it might be better to just be a friends
than to get knee deep in someone crazy aka the demons of someones past
when I have demons of my own
is that growth or fear
hard to say right now
on the other hand I am getting my new iMAC soon
it WILL be faster and more pimped out than your current computer
lil hint 8 gigs of ram
24 inch screen
and all the other fixings for a MAC dorks dream
new printer
new scanner
so there is always that
I have been drawing with my mouse lately
I like posting up my art on the web
call me a attention whore
but I prefer my art be seen
or heard
somehow
and since I'm not getting paid
and haven't yet at 36
figured out how I might go about getting paid
by my
"talents"
I figure fuck it
I will just make "drawings"
using photoshop and pictures
now I know I use photoshop wrong and actually am pretty limited in my abilities
but fuck it0
I have fun and have lightened up on filters and am exploring layers much MUCH more
peep my icon for an example





pretty tight for a pic I took using my cell phone if I do says so myself
I just used layers
and my paintbrush tool is various sizes
a couple mild filters
a viola (I know it's actually voila')
a masterpiece or at the very least
it looks cool to me
and I think it looks cool
as a avatar on message board
myspace
or facebook
and the long and the short of it
I enjoyed making it
I was productive
on a sleepless night
for and hour or so
I forgot about
not having a girl
not having fat stacks of dough
forgot about recovery
even for just a second
just forgot about all the bullshizzle
that gets me down
or whatever emo shit I was whining about up there ^^^
and just had fun doing what I've loved doing since BEFORE I can remember
making "art"
like I used to do on my pop dukes lap when I was 3 or 4


I let go...

which is rare...

I need that in my life.

even though life can be stressful I still enjoy it
but sometimes I just need to transport my mindset over to the ether and let the cosmos or whatever entity controls the artists muse or some crap and just let it bust loose

anyways

bedtime

read this or don't

p.s. I'd fuck up a steak and egg bagel from McDonalds right now

p.p.s. good night

p.p.p.s. fuck punctuation

BAMBEE

This is everything great about the internet

peace to Maw for hipping me to it

p.s.

BIRD!!!1

a rhyme where meta mentions newfags

hey look a freestyle where it might actually be 90% free

props to my mustard cutty meta

p.s. nice vest ho'

p.p.s. fuck punctuation

The Truth ... Stop Lyin'

Honesty at least when it is tactful is so necessary famdulas
I have discussed this at length with my friends
and sometimes a white lie to spare someone feelings feels acceptable
in rare cases
but I simply need to move away from lying
because it’s almost a force of habit
simply because I can
and am good at it
but I know I’m good at smoking meth
that doesn’t mean I should do it
I know I'm good at cracking skulls on that ol' sneak tip
but that shit hurts my hands a lot of the time
as much as it hurts busters skulls
and now that I really know that
I should be rigorously honest in all my affairs
lying about anything hurts me
as much as it hurts someone
the feelings involved are simply not worth the effort
of keeping a lie alive.
in the 09
if you know your fitted is fucked up
don't ask me if your 5 yr oakland A's jawn
is fresh to me
because first
I don't give a fuck about team sports
second you need to wipe them sweat stains off your brim cousin
and girl
don't ask how you look in your tight ass knickers
you bought from wall-mart for 10 bucks
all three extra sizes too small
gut all hanging out the sides
of your too small shirt
and no dog your weed
doesn't smell like fire anymore
it smells like burning leafs wrapped up a in a shitty cigar
and your breath
smells like a brewery full of rat feces
and no
I don't wanna cypher with you
with your infinite repetitive
lyrical miracle
having ass from mac lethal catalogs
talking about
how you're about to do this and that
FUCKING DO IT!!
and no doggie
I don't believe you got blammers
and peeling cats wigs
back on the block
you can't afford real nikes
let alone a 40 glock
just stop it
I'm grown
I don't care about another man's
fucking gear, hot bars, clothes etc.
if you're a busted bitch it's better not to speak to me
or at least be all uppity
I will send you girl
wordamovason (peace to rob natural)
I do care
about whether I got loot
to afford the roof over my head
I do worry
about the people who look to me for my experience strength and hope
in term of staying clean in recovery
I do care about a connection with God
I do care about my Moms
and her comfort level
I do care if my people
are staying happy and healthy
and taking care of theirs
and honestly I do care if you people are ok
ya know
staying up
and doing the next right thing
if you're hungry
I might spot you a sandwich
if you need a shoulder to cry on
I might let you holler
if you need some honest suggestions on something I have experience on
I might bless you sonson
IF
you are willing to listen
but if I bless you
and you don't heed my advice
the next time you come around
talking that sob story bullshit
I'll probably have to keep it moving
in the 09'
I like writing in my blog
building with my people
eating good food
not letting Blueprint & the rest of my weightless.net family live
and
making art & music
for the love
because I want to
not because I need to anymore
it just feels fun and satisfies my soul
so here
is my suggestion
be honest til it hurts
hold your family close
and do one kind thing for a stranger tommorow
you'll feel better for it
and they might as well

thanks for letting me rant

p.s. fuck punctuation

You get the car...

when I was about 20
I would drive out into the country
sometimes with a friend
sometimes just alone
I would arm myself with three or four joints
a bottle of soda
and maybe a small bag of chips for after the joints did there thing
I would munch chips sip my soda
and just contemplate the universe
I usually somewhere during the week
would make a mix-tape
and bring it along so I didn't have to search the shitty columbus and surrounding areas for something to make a soundtrack for my drive
something that would complete
the experience of a head full of good weed, the lonesome back roads of central ohio
and time just to discover who I was
with only the distractions I provided for myself
I bring this up
because for whatever reason
I would usually head north on these road trips
and be so baked by the time I got past delaware
that I would turn around and get home safely
a couple times I swear I was near cleveland
just on back roads alone
this just reminds me
that nowadays I don't really take the time to just explore my surroundings
that sometimes I fear change just a bit TOO much
there was a time I could bump a tape on repeat for a whole 3-4 hour road trip
and not get sick of the tunes
when things felt fresh and new
when just 15 minutes outside of town I was in the middle of nowhere
and this video/song Built To Spill - Car
in a period where I listened mostly to hip-hop
this stuck out like a clean needle in a haystack of crap
as something was just really good
it spoke to where I was
at the wanderlust
the need for change
and my general desire to find out who I really was
all the while getting as far as I was comfortable from the safe zone
of home and hearth or whatever
today I realized I'd have to drive 40 minutes
before I really felt like
I had escaped all the trappings of my surroundings
before I could really disconnect from all my worries
now don't get it twisted
I relish the fact that I am depended on
I enjoy where I am at most days
and I'm glad I don't need a joint or whatever anymore
to get outside of myself and connect with God
but sometimes I wish I could just get in the car and get lost
it wasn't always a bad thing.

p.s. fuck punctuation

p.p.s. cop this album

Hello Humans

No one reads these right?
Good.
In memory
of my brain cells and friends lost and people I'd rather not associate myself with anymore.
In memory
of the girls who left me behind for
something else
something different
something that didn't require effort
something that fit their fancy.
In memory
of all the sweet kisses
and the kisses I missed
and the hug that turn into a clutched memory of a time when I thought
you/them/us/me
would never leave.
In memory
of the people who lost.
In memory
of those we lost
was it too early
or was it predestined or is it just the way things are ?
In memory
of the way we were and way thing will never be.
In memory
of past failures and successes that guided me and molded me and were let go so I could continue on.
I light this cigarette like a candle in a vigil and remember
that memory is selective.
So.
Here’s to
new loves
new loss
new people touching my soul in every different direction here's to change
here is to hoping
that people who I will never forget
whether fondly
or wish that I could wipe away that memory
but I can't and now am glad for this.
Here's to you
I may not like you but I love you.

RIP Steve Grossman

One of my e-friends just lost a friend and I posted this in her blog
"I just lost another friend from high school
Like other friends
We had lost contact
But the way he left us
Left a hole in my soul for lack of a better term
He left behind a wife and two kids
While I grieve I have to believe there is a purpose in this world and have faith that things happen for a reason
That is beyond my comprehension
This leads me to believe I must be as loving and caring for those who do remain in loving remembrance of our dearly departed
It does not make the loss easier
And for that I'm glad
Because of the pain it just makes me hold onto the one's I love all that much tighter
Hold your head high
We got a lot of living to do when we remember how short life can be
But remember also quality of life is of the utmost importance
It gets better I promise"

I know I usually just post stupid images and my stupid art and occasionally my words formed into raps/poetry
But there are a lot of people in my friends’ list that I know and love
Albeit I see rarely
But know even if I don't have the brain capacity to remember you on a daily basis
That you are loved
I wish everyone the best
I wish everyone the inspiration to do what he or she think is destined for him or her in life

We are here for a reason find yours.

relapse or just not done experimenting

a buddy of mine sent me a email or post I can't remember simply stating he had relapsed and was getting back on suboxone

here was my reply I post this here to spark some discussion

and prove I am not always on some internet jokes and bullshit

Suboxone and Relapse

doctors want people to stay on suboxone & methadone forever in my experience
they are limited to a medical base of Drug Replacement Therapy
I have had sponsee's out the ass who used suboxone/methadone
as a replacement for recovery
and in the long run it never worked
when they got off suboxone
if they weren't working some kind of 12 step program
and again this is what worked for me
they went right back out
and whether they replaced their opiates
with weed and alcohol
because it isn't as frowned upon
as say meth, heroin or whatever "hard" drug they were on
they feel like everything is all good in the hood
until
they go to a party
run into a old "friend"
who offers them a pill shot etc for old times sake
and it's off to the races
it usually ends badly
and I have a million war storys
of people coming in and out of the rooms of NA
telling me how it sucks out there
and blah blah
heres my thing
if I go through the withdrawls
after a safe detox then
I need to start fresh
complete abstinence
from mind altering substances that make me unmanageable
and lets not be pedantic
I know coffee and cigarettes and aspirin are mindaltering
but I never robbed someone cause I needed aspirin for a headache
but I digreess
I didn't detox properly off Benzodiazepines and had a seizure
so I don't think sometimes a nice 5-6 day medical detox is bad idea
but then after that it's time to man up like some people have stated rudely or not
and take responsibilty for how I was feeling
when I got out of detox
I felt like bloody hell
so I went to a meeting
and then more meetings
and then I got a sponsor
and then I worked some steps
and then I went to conventions
and then I worked more steps and etc.
along the way
I lost the desire to get high
and started feeling better
started actually getting insight
into the person I wanted to be
without feeling trapped by active addiction
started understanding
that some people suffer from a disease called addiction
some don't
and I am not anti-drug
I am pro-recovery
I assume most of you here are adult enough
to make your own decisions
I can do whatever I want
I just need to deal with the consequences
I know if I use
from experience I cannot handle it
thats just me
and it sucks detoxing
I don't wanna do it ever again
so I don't pick up
it works for me
the rugged ass detox I went through
and all the mental health stuff afterwards from meth psychosis
is a constant reminder for me to not use no matter what
my pops died
I didn't pick up
my mom is in bad health I don't pick up
I been out of work for a grip
I still don't pick up
and I don't take meds to manage my feelings as personal choice
cause my brain doesn't know the difference
between meds
and crystal
so I have to be very careful
and follow my doctors orders
and my friends with more experience than me staying clean suggestions
then again
I'm just going from my experience here
this is just stuff that worked for me
I don't like everyone in NA
but alot of the people in there
have pretty much helped me
learn how to save my own life
so it works for me and I am grateful